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We've all heard the advice about how to deal with emotions A good friend's favorite advise is "Don't forget, feelings are real, but they don't necessarily reflect reality." Whether he was telling me or I heard him telling someone else, I would smile. Knowing its truth from easily recalled memories where my emotions got the better of my understanding of the current situation and I went off the rails, in the moment, or stoked down the immediate explosion to vent later. "Feel your feelings. If you feel them fully and completely, they will go away". I heard this numerous times from a mentor and coach. I'd try to let the emotions gently get "full", force them to get "full", recall them in meditation and breathe into them to get full, pull them up in a daily review and think my way thru them. Nice mental exercises. I may have gotten to some new insights, but the emotions remained. “Take action in your situation that will get you out of every feeling that way again". This can go from powering thru to total avoidance. Engaging in emotional self-care is good, but these don't actually "fix" the emotion. "Shift your focus away from the feeling", Relax, Breathe, Count." Control techniques continue on to meditation, exercise away the stress, take yoga class, have a glass of wine….or two, think positively, write in a gratitude journal, take a pill. Yeah, the emotion is still waiting to erupt. "Just Let It Go!". This is actually my personal favorite. It presumes that some emotional pattern, one that you've been carrying since forever, can just be removed like an old coat. Just take it off, hang it up and walk away? I don't think so, LOL! We live on the "positive" emotions like Love, Joy, Contentment, Inspiration, etc. They are the emotions that make life as beautiful as it can be. These are the emotion we want to keep and want more of. It’s the uncomfortable emotions that we don't want. We spend a good deal of time trying to ignore, subdue and control them. They are uncomfortable! Early on in life, we learn a myriad of strategies and techniques to defeat difficult emotions, either by mental tricks in our own head, manipulating others to meet our emotions needs or by ignoring them/shutting them down. Anything, but feeling them. It turns out that we've been going at it all wrong! Emotions in our mind are the echo--the reaction-- to an awareness of physical sensations in our body. Each emotion has a physical signature of 2-3 sensations. For example, a tight gut and rapid heartbeat might mean Anger or Fear. The sensations arise because our subconscious brain has detected some attributes in our current situation that is similar to a previous situation, sometimes the situation is from infancy or earlier. Our subconscious believes that we used "anger" to successfully navigate that situation, so it now prepares our body with "anger" so that we'll be ready for events that is sure to come. In essence, our brain predicts that we need to be angry to be successful in the current moment. It is helping us out by preparing us with the precursor physical sensations of anger. This is very similar to the way our blood pressure gets higher if we think we are going to have to run in the next minute. It’s a prediction and preparation cycle to assist our survival. So how do we get off the prediction/preparation cycle of emotion, when the emotion is clearly not in alignment with the current situation? Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is a precise protocol to resync the subconscious connection between the emotion and "triggering" situation. All we have to do is feel the feelings! AH, but not the ones in our head. We must feel the physical sensations that are produced in our body. And to be effective, the sensations must be active in the body and we must be in a comfortable "enough" state to close our eyes. The body will do all the work of metabolizing the sensations and the subconscious brain will automatically release the tether between the emotion and situation. We just have to give it the space and a short amount of time to do it and the emotion will be gone, permanently. It's really that simple. It's just that as human beings, our conscious mind knows it's uncomfortable and finds ways of slipping back into the tried and true strategies we've collected over a lifetime. We quit focusing on the sensations in our bodies and before we know it, we are back in our head grousing about what happened, labeling the emotion, etc. BUT when EmRes is followed, with practice or with the help of a EmRes Practitioner, it's crazy how well it works. My clients have had amazing positive changes and breakthroughs, that have left us both surprised and astonished. Here are some examples Fear of driving fast (over 50 mph) and fear of driving over bridges Sales person conflict and frustration when caught between the customer and the company, sales performance and making the numbers Anxiety during interviews or when talking to people of authority Fear of being shot or killed Migraine Procrastination and avoidance Fear of meeting new people, fitting in, making new friends and on the other side, fear of being lonely/anxiety when alone and therefor making bad choices when creating new relationships Anger or rage over "nothing", at home and at work Fear and paranoia at work Sports and performance anxiety, also fear of reinjury after a long recovery Weeping in grief for two years, Feeling guilty about circumstances surrounding the death or how they should have been treated better, separation anxiety in grief Anger at being passed up for a promotion, Jealousy in relationships Being uncomfortable in own body; forgiving an unforgivable self-image And many more EmRes works equally well in-person or over the phone. Are you willing to let go of your unwanted emotions? Sue Siebens Certified EmRes Practitioner

It seems that everywhere I look, there are workshops, apps, videos there to improve my life, make me a better man, more efficient, more connected. Because you know: you’ve got to have a better life, make more money, be a “Boss”, be a better person… So Yes! We take workshops, follow Gurus, Webinars, we read the latest book on spirituality, Self-Improvement, watch videos of exciting talks on YouTube - drooling on how awesome it must feel to be Tony Robbins; reading inspiring quotes that pop up on our Facebook page (those are just awesome!) … We are trying so hard, so damn hard!! I am no expert. But what if... we are trying too hard? Read More About Stop Trying So Hard: https://www.cedricbertelli.com/blog/stop-trying-so-hard

Seeking appears to be central to the human condition. At our core, we aspire to be at peace with ourselves, with others, to attain contentment. Like a compass, this search for contentment drives our lives and our behaviors. It fuels religious fervor; the burgeoning self-help industry; workaholism; the legal and the illicit drug industries; it funds tens of thousands of yoga retreats annually and over 30,000 new users of meditation apps per day in the United States alone. As we move through our days yearning for contentment, we experience stress, anxiety, frustration, shame, physical discomfort. We accept these as an inevitable part of life. Maneuvering through these obstacles, we constantly look for inner peace; we look for it outside of ourselves, convinced that eventually—with perseverance and some good luck—we will find the practice, or the community, or the philosophy which will open the door to our contentment. Then, we will feel fearless, healthy, safe, and fulfilled. Read More About Feeling Your Way Back to Peace www.cedricbertelli.com/blog/feeling-way-back-peace

My Recap of Biology of Desire by Mark Lewis. There are two main areas in the brain that are critical when it comes to addictive behaviors: 1. The striatum: one of its functions is goal-oriented behavior. It makes us pursue goals to get what we want (food, sex, protections, shelters…). It narrows your behavioral scope and focuses your attention on the goal. Basically, it’s in charge of desire. 2. The dorsolateral pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for judgement, decision making, insight, personality expression… Usually there is a constant conversation between these two parts of the brain, they are very much connected. They have to be connected in order to modulate desire, deciding what is the best way for you to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve. Both of these systems are fueled by dopamine. Dopamine: dopamine is best known for driving the pleasure-reward seeking loop; however its function is much more complex. Dopamine activates the various systems to bring focus, to narrow attention, to selectively create memory, and to drive desire. So, the striatum is like a motor. It’s the driving force, pushing you toward the goal that you desire. The pre-frontal cortex is like the steering wheel and the brakes – they enable you to meet the goal in keeping with your personality, value system, social expectations. When someone suffers from addiction, there is a breakdown in communication between these two regions. When the object of addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling) is in the person’s consciousness, the pre-frontal cortex takes a back seat and the striatum becomes the primary driver. An otherwise honest teenager will steal money from his grandmother’s purse to buy methamphetamines. The brain’s structure changes as we learn, from infancy to the present. The brain learns by creating new synaptic connections while at the same time pruning multiple preexisting connections. Learning is the process of synaptic restructuring. Once a skill is deeply learned, it becomes a habit. Think about riding a bike. When you start, you have to focus intensely on maintaining balance, steering, pedaling. But once you are a proficient rider, you don’t have to think about anything – you just get on your bike and you ride. Riding your bike becomes a habit. This is true for all learned behaviors or skills that become effortless: driving a car, speaking a language, typing on a keyboard. The synaptic connections responsible for the executive functions of riding a bike become cemented. They also become more obvious because other, surrounding connections are pruned away. So, learning is just as much about selective pruning of connections as it is about creating new connections. During adolescence, when skills are created and personality is solidified, up to 30,000 synapses are lost every second throughout the entire cortex. This enables us and our brains to be more efficient -- it’s like creating a well-worn footpath through a grassy lawn. When we compare brain MRIs of people with and without addiction (of any type), we see tremendous signs of pruning in the brains of addicts. The mass of grey matter is visibly reduced, there is an obvious loss of synapses. For many years we thought that this reduction in gray matter in the brains of addicts is a sign that addiction is a disease which literally affects the structure of the brain. Now we’ve come to realize that it is not the substance abuse that creates these structural changes, but rather the repetitive, habitual behavior. The same loss of gray matter is seen in addictions to sex, social media, and food, as well as drugs. The pruning results from the repetition. As the addiction develops, pruning occurs because the brain is becoming super efficient … at getting loaded! ☺ After 40-60 weeks of moving away from the addictive behavior, the surrounding synapses are rebuilt and the addictive neuronal pathway is less stark. Brain change doesn’t mean brain disease. Three key factors keep people in their addiction: Addiction provides immediate reward -“The Now appeal”- We get trapped in the present: How am I going to get my fix? Where? How am I going to pay for it? There is a phenomenon that psychologist call “delay discounting”. This refers to how people will prefer an immediate reward of lower value over a later reward of higher value, even though there's less overall gain. People who are naturally impulsive are the most prone. Delay discounting has a lot to do with dopamine's short-sightedness. Dopamine enhances the draw of immediate goals, and that's all it cares about. Your higher brain processes are supposed to look out for the future. So the dopamine rush of craving and the urgent pull of present opportunities are intimately linked in your brain. The higher brain processes which look out for the future get overpowered. The present moment and getting the fix supersedes all future goals. The future loses its value. Ego fatigue Let me share a psychological experiment with you to illustrate this notion of Ego fatigue. A group of hungry people were put into a room and left alone with two bowls in front of them: a bowl of radishes and a bowl of chocolate-chip cookies. Half were instructed to have some cookies but no radishes; the other half were instructed to eat radishes only—no cookies. After only five minutes, the participants were asked to perform some cognitive tasks that require self-control. Those who'd had to resist temptation (cookies) performed more poorly or quit earlier. The interpretation was that they had "depleted" a resource needed for self-control. The same social scientists performed another experiment in which participants had to watch a 10-minute video clip that was very emotionally arousing (either humorous or tragic). Half were asked to show no emotion on their faces, and the other half could behave normally. Those who had to suppress their emotions performed more poorly on subsequent tasks. Once again, something had been depleted. Pure and radical suppression brings ego fatigue very quickly. If 10 minutes of suppressing your feelings saps your cognitive reserves, imagine the impact of suppressing those feelings (deliberately and consciously) all day long, day after day. This is what recovering addicts are facing. And finally: Personality development. The addiction often gives the person access or belonging to a community or to an identity (I am a gambler, a smoker, a rebel… an addict). It is difficult to let go of an established identity, even if it is one we do not like. A few ideas to help people who are stepping out of addiction: - Self Empowerment is KEY! A “Patient” only follows somebody else’s instructions. They rely on these exogenous instructions… It can’t work. - Strengthen the desire for other goals (similar for depression). Identify and hold on to specific future goals; Imagine the future in detail. - Self Forgiveness... I hope you will find this recap useful. Have a wonderful day!