Your Feelings Are Real
Updated: Oct 25, 2019
We've all heard the advice about how to deal with emotions
A good friend's favorite advise is "Don't forget, feelings are real, but they don't necessarily reflect reality." Whether he was telling me or I heard him telling someone else, I would smile. Knowing its truth from easily recalled memories where my emotions got the better of my understanding of the current situation and I went off the rails, in the moment, or stoked down the immediate explosion to vent later.
"Feel your feelings. If you feel them fully and completely, they will go away". I heard this numerous times from a mentor and coach. I'd try to let the emotions gently get "full", force them to get "full", recall them in meditation and breathe into them to get full, pull them up in a daily review and think my way thru them. Nice mental exercises. I may have gotten to some new insights, but the emotions remained.
“Take action in your situation that will get you out of every feeling that way again". This can go from powering thru to total avoidance. Engaging in emotional self-care is good, but these don't actually "fix" the emotion.
"Shift your focus away from the feeling", Relax, Breathe, Count." Control techniques continue on to meditation, exercise away the stress, take yoga class, have a glass of wine….or two, think positively, write in a gratitude journal, take a pill. Yeah, the emotion is still waiting to erupt.
"Just Let It Go!". This is actually my personal favorite. It presumes that some emotional pattern, one that you've been carrying since forever, can just be removed like an old coat. Just take it off, hang it up and walk away? I don't think so, LOL!
We live on the "positive" emotions like Love, Joy, Contentment, Inspiration, etc. They are the emotions that make life as beautiful as it can be. These are the emotion we want to keep and want more of.
It’s the uncomfortable emotions that we don't want. We spend a good deal of time trying to ignore, subdue and control them. They are uncomfortable! Early on in life, we learn a myriad of strategies and techniques to defeat difficult emotions, either by mental tricks in our own head, manipulating others to meet our emotions needs or by ignoring them/shutting them down. Anything, but feeling them.
It turns out that we've been going at it all wrong!
Emotions in our mind are the echo--the reaction-- to an awareness of physical sensations in our body. Each emotion has a physical signature of 2-3 sensations. For example, a tight gut and rapid heartbeat might mean Anger or Fear. The sensations arise because our subconscious brain has detected some attributes in our current situation that is similar to a previous situation, sometimes the situation is from infancy or earlier. Our subconscious believes that we used "anger" to successfully navigate that situation, so it now prepares our body with "anger" so that we'll be ready for events that is sure to come.
In essence, our brain predicts that we need to be angry to be successful in the current moment. It is helping us out by preparing us with the precursor physical sensations of anger. This is very similar to the way our blood pressure gets higher if we think we are going to have to run in the next minute. It’s a prediction and preparation cycle to assist our survival.
So how do we get off the prediction/preparation cycle of emotion, when the emotion is clearly not in alignment with the current situation?
Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is a precise protocol to resync the subconscious connection between the emotion and "triggering" situation. All we have to do is feel the feelings! AH, but not the ones in our head.
We must feel the physical sensations that are produced in our body. And to be effective, the sensations must be active in the body and we must be in a comfortable "enough" state to close our eyes. The body will do all the work of metabolizing the sensations and the subconscious brain will automatically release the tether between the emotion and situation. We just have to give it the space and a short amount of time to do it and the emotion will be gone, permanently.
It's really that simple.
It's just that as human beings, our conscious mind knows it's uncomfortable and finds ways of slipping back into the tried and true strategies we've collected over a lifetime. We quit focusing on the sensations in our bodies and before we know it, we are back in our head grousing about what happened, labeling the emotion, etc.
BUT when EmRes is followed, with practice or with the help of a EmRes Practitioner, it's crazy how well it works.
My clients have had amazing positive changes and breakthroughs, that have left us both surprised and astonished. Here are some examples
Fear of driving fast (over 50 mph) and fear of driving over bridges
Sales person conflict and frustration when caught between the customer and the company, sales performance and making the numbers
Anxiety during interviews or when talking to people of authority
Fear of being shot or killed
Procrastination and avoidance
Fear of meeting new people, fitting in, making new friends and on the other side, fear of being lonely/anxiety when alone and therefor making bad choices when creating new relationships
Anger or rage over "nothing", at home and at work
Fear and paranoia at work
Sports and performance anxiety, also fear of reinjury after a long recovery
Weeping in grief for two years, Feeling guilty about circumstances surrounding the death or how they should have been treated better, separation anxiety in grief
Anger at being passed up for a promotion,
Jealousy in relationships
Being uncomfortable in own body; forgiving an unforgivable self-image
And many more
EmRes works equally well in-person or over the phone.
Are you willing to let go of your unwanted emotions?
Sue Siebens Certified EmRes Practitioner