Getting along with People at Work
“I had always believed that if somebody who worked with me went home feeling like a jerk for giving their time and their genuine effort, then it was me who had failed them—and in a very personal, fundamental way.” ― Anthony Bourdain
How do you feel about your job?
Much of our work experience is determined by the social interactions we find there. When we interview for a job, we often base our social compatibility on how well we interact with the hiring manager and other people in the recruiting process. But the job’s social culture is, of course, much more complex. And sometimes, we do not even consider these social aspects when looking for the next rung on our career ladder or seeking a paycheck to put food on the family table.
But now you have this job that meets some of your needs, but some of the people are, let’s say, not compatible with your social norms or expectations.
Coworkers that are gossips, cut-throat, name-droppers, credit-takers, bullies, and slackers can all trigger emotional reactions in us that take us off our best game at work.
We cannot change them. We cannot even complain about them. Regardless of whistle-blower safety, complaining about them to the boss or HR often reflects poorly on us and makes further bad blood with the offender.
So, what do we do?
Finding a new job is not a solution—those same people will be there, with new names and faces.
So, what do we do?
We do not have to be a victim or coconspirator. We do have to recognize that the only thing that can change is us. If someone’s behavior triggers us, that is the place to start.
Even though the coworker’s actions or behavior is not correct, our reaction is not based on the present situation. And strong reactions can lead to disruptive behavior, which looks bad on us regardless of the cause.
Recognizing that we have a disruptive emotion is essential. Triggered emotions give us a place to start and a GPS to fix the problem.
Emotions that “disturb” us are reactions to a past wound. At some point, we experienced a high-stress event. Emotion(s) from that event remain unintegrated—dormant but readily activated by environmental queues.
Likely, we won’t’ remember when the original high-stress event happened, or not accurately if we do. In times of high stress, the cognitive mind is taken offline. But our subconscious mind is continuously recording everything that happens.
And our body usually takes care of the physical sensations associated with emotions. But there may not be time or opportunity to do it in times of high stress. What remains are the unprocessed memories of emotions in our bodies triggered when our subconscious perceives something in our current environment that is “similar enough” to our past trauma.
Simplistically, disruptive emotions are messages from our body saying, “Hey, there is an unprocessed body memory here; maybe you should take care of it when you get a chance.”
Getting back to the situation with the coworker(s):
We are not excusing the coworker here. We are taking care of our side of the equation. It takes two to tango; Bullies seek out what they perceive as weak links to overpower and control; For every “winner,” there is a loser, etc. If you are receiving something “uncomfortable,” then clearing your side of the emotional equation is your next task.
Being in a triggered emotion effectively blocks our cognitive mind from being aware of and navigating the various possibilities available to us. You are temporarily caught up in the emotion and are blinded to alternative actions. Removing the fog of emotion opens new vistas.
When our subconscious becomes aware of something in our environment connected to a dormant unprocessed emotion, it will fire up that emotion as a prediction of how we should be feeling in a moment. It gives us an access vector to complete past business. By resolving the past emotion, we will not be thrown track. We will handle the present circumstance more effectively.
By doing Self-EmRes in the moment or working on it in session with an EmRes Professional, the emotion is integrated, finally. The subconscious no longer has the body memory of physical sensations to trigger. You will be present in the situation the next time it happens and every time after that.
EmRes in the Work Place
Organizations and businesses exist to offer products and services to others and generally solve someone else’s “problems.” Personal conflicts and disagreements within the organization distract everyone from that purpose.
Imagine the preparations and logistics involved in a $1M plus banquet at a large convention. The managers and staff would probably work for weeks or days before the event. On the day, everyone is going to work well over an eight-hour shift. It is a high-stress job environment with many things in motion on different schedules. If there are personal conflicts and disagreements between the staff, the day already starts from irritation.
If managers are not emotionally resolved, they will not be as effective as possible when listening to staff concerns, selecting teams and pairing up those that will work best together, handling the unexpected and pivoting through changing conditions as the event progresses.
Managers that are emotionally resolved can change the dynamic of the whole day by remaining calm in the fast-paced behind the scenes environment. With EmRes, their events will run like a well-oiled machine, and their staff will work for them like a highly-trained army.
Now think about the high stress of nursing in a hospital emergency room. It is a tremendous job to be accurate and consistent with all the technical skills needed to assist their patients. With everything they see and do, they still strive to be present and compassionate with patients and family members. It is a lot. They must take care of themselves emotionally. If not, they can not be available to their own families and friends. Using EmRes to clear out the emotional disruptions they encounter daily is healthy emotional hygiene that prevents burnout and fatigue.
And what about retail or any public-facing job. One significant drawback of working behind any counter that serves the public is taking verbal abuse from customers having a bad day before they walk into your store or department. As a good employee, you are supposed to stand there and smile and try to make the best of it. “The customer is always right.” And the bully customer knows you may have few choices beyond taking the ill-treatment or quit the job.
EmRes to the rescue! Resolving disturbing emotions that surface during such brow-beatings allows you to react differently with the next disgruntled customer.
Think of any emotional reaction you have to someone at your workplace—Resolve it!
You’ll be glad you did.
Sue Siebens is an intuitive holistic healer based in Dallas, Texas. In her practice, she uses techniques that work at a fundamentallevel, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about these new technologies so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life.