How do the critical personal relationships in our life make us feel? Are we happy, sad, eager to see them again, a little worried about the next encounter or disagreement?
All relationships have their ups and downs. Each of us has our own background, experiences, and personal emotional work to do. Misunderstandings happen, and sometimes we bring our frustration from elsewhere into the intimate dynamics of our family and friends. It is only human—we are emotional beings.
There is, however, a difference between relationships that need work and the toxic interactions that spell codependence.
Healthy relationships can be mutually beneficial and last a lifetime based on respect, equality, safety, and trust. Generally, these relationships start out great—or we wouldn’t stay in them.
Healthy relationships change and grow with both partners willing to bend and find solutions. There is open communication. Disagreements are handled fairly and calmly, don’t result in childish tactics, and apologies are safe and accepted. Short-term problems don’t become long-term patterns. There is lots of trust, healthy boundaries, and no mind games. And finally, strife inside healthy relationships doesn’t get so large as to affect outside areas like work, school, or community activities. [2]
We all navigate relationships in our own way. If we see shadowy interactions appear, it’s time to examine those interactions for what is lacking. Have they become unreliable, insincere, challenging/threatening shifting? Has the relationship shifted slowly over time, and now we find ourselves looking at a person who is nothing like the one we fell into a relationship with?[1]
An unhealthy relationship exists if we are trying to fix the other person or are constantly adjusting our needs, attitude, and communication to accommodate an adult.
Why do we stay? Are we hanging in there for reasons such as feeling sympathy for their life circumstances or fearing the opinion of friends and family? Are we too uncomfortable with being alone in the world without them?
It takes two to tango.
Regardless of either side's “correctness” or “wrongness”, it takes two people interacting to create an unbalanced relationship. And we must recognize that we do not have the means or ability to change another person. No amount of patience or fortitude on our part will help if they are not willing to change or grow of their own volition. In the end, their actions speak louder than words, and any lip service to atone for actions or behavior is not enough.
We can only change ourselves. By releasing our emotional fog and confusition that exists in unhealthy relationships, we can change how we feel about what they say and do, how we respond and how we feel about our own actions and reactions. We can bring emotional balance back into our life by letting go of the emotional tension that keeps us locked in a stagnant cycle of behavior.
Emotions that drive our behavior
When emotions are repeatedly suppressed—voluntarily blocked, they will eventually go silent and become repressed—unconsciously blocked. Repressed emotions are expressed as behaviors or physical afflictions (chronic and idiopathic diseases—a topic for another blogpost).
Emotional behaviors in an unhealthy relationship can be characterized under the broad categories of codependence.
“Somewhere along the line, we learned to doubt our perception, discount our feelings, and overlook our needs. We looked to others to tell us what to think, feel, and behave. Other people supplied us with information about who we were and should be. It became more important to be compliant or avoidant rather than to be authentic, and we adopted rigid beliefs about what “should be.” We believed that if we could just “get it right,” things would be okay. When we “got it wrong,” our sense of security and self-worth evaporated. [3]”
These are emotion-driven behaviors—repressed emotions that we may no longer be aware of; it’s just “who we are in the world”—a part of our personality.
But we don’t have to stay that way.
We now have Emotional Resolution®, EmRes®, at our disposal.
We can change our reactions, behaviors and brighten our life.
· When repressed emotions are resolved, we see ourselves and our situations more clearly and behave more appropriately.
· EmRes removes subconscious connections to emotional injuries permanently, eliminating the triggers that keep us bound up.
We can use EmRes Sessions whenever emotional triggers and behaviors erupt in our life.
· EmRes processes old emotional injuries that we may or may not remember.
· EmRes doesn’t need to know when, where, why, or who was involved in the original injury.
· Address what is troubling you now, and the past will become history instead of triggers. Since there is no wasted time digging around in the past, EmRes represents a clear time and money saving advantage over other techniques.
It’s your choice how and how much to include EmRes in your life
· EmRes sessions address the situation/emotional response of your choice.
o Work on your primary issue from several angles in one or several sessions until it’s resolved.
o Use EmRes several sessions to address complex, chronic issues. EmRes sessions in a series can cleanup one problem after another until you reach a good place of contentment in your life.
· EmRes emotional healing adjusts to your needs and capacity. Start, stop on your schedule, and when something else surfaces, start again. It’s up to you.
Stand in Your Emotional Power with EmRes.
Do you desire healthy and loving relationships?
References
1. 4 things that make a relationship healthy or unhealthy, by Sam Killermann, https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/4-things-that-make-a-relationship-healthy-or-unhealthy/
2. 11 Subtle Differences Between A Toxic Relationship Vs. One That Just Needs Work, by Carolyn Steber, https://www.bustle.com/p/11-subtle-differences-between-a-toxic-relationship-vs-one-that-just-needs-work-9273462
3. What is codependence, https://coda.org/
4.
Image by Scott Webb from Pixabay
About Sue
Sue Siebens is an intuitive holistic healer based in Dallas, Texas. In her practice, she uses techniques that work at a fundamentallevel, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about these new technologies so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life.
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