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By Cedric Bertelli and Sue Siebens The work of Bernard Sensfelder proposes that we view our emotional state as a second immune system. Just as a fever is a symptom that our physical body is fighting an infection, our anxieties, fears and depressions are symptoms of something fighting within us to heal. It is intriguing that our physical and emotional symptoms indicate something is fighting to be well. The presenting discomfort is often the tip of the iceberg. It is an invitation to go further to find the source of the pain. Inflammation or fever is our immune system's request for physical aid. Persistent or recurring emotions are similar requests from our emotional system—it also asks for assistance. So as uncomfortable as they may be, feeling uncomfortable emotions are opportunities. Our “emotional immune system” is sending a message. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is an effective method for this work. It gives us the space and time to work on the emotional triggers that grip us in a nanosecond and whose echoes extend forward as a cry for healing. Emotions start as physical sensations in the body reacting to some stimulus in our environment. The mind receives these sensations sending us into action or reaction as needed. Then the body rapidly cleans up the neurotransmitters representing the emotion’s physical sensations. The uncomfortable feeling is over; next, we are engrossed in the resulting action or moving on to the next thing as the case dictates. If we are in a high-stress situation, our bodies may be otherwise occupied and too busy for cleanup duty. At these times, the neurotransmitters will remain in the body as an emotional imprint—an unprocessed emotion. Later when our subconscious links an emotional imprint with similar environmental stimuli happening now, the old emotion is triggered again. The old emotion is most likely to be out of step with the current situation, but we react to this unprocessed memory as if it were. EmRes is a way to update these outdated responses by working on current emotional situations—events that have happened recently. Knowing or recalling the original emotional injury is unnecessary since current triggering conditions access the exact emotional imprint. Resolving emotions using EmRes brings contentment and harmonization with our situation and life dynamics. As we sense the change in our life, we become eager to find other things that we perceive are toxifying our relationship with ourselves or others. So we become curious about the nature of our true self—who we really are. Why do we keep on having emotions to heal? 1. When we heal using EmRes, we develop a higher sensitivity to our body. We become more aware of what is happening within us. The subtle tensions become more apparent. And we are filled with the knowledge that we can excise these emotional tensions. 2. We create more room to question our life dynamics--our behaviors, thoughts, beliefs and reactions that we once considered "us." The more we resolve, the more we fine-tune our relationship with ourselves. There is more space to recover who we radically are, beyond our history and stories, family trauma, beyond our belief systems. Our inner and outer environment is always changing. We are constantly exposed to new stimuli as we move through life. Our emotional difficulties are directly connected to our greater environment, including the subconscious ones that express themselves as tensions, behaviors or moods. Our greater environment is not limited to our direct physical surroundings. Our environment is the totality in which we are living at a specific moment: · The way our body feels at a particular moment—pain, stiffness, fatigue, hormonal levels, injury, age · Our partner – do we have a partner, do we want a partner, the current quality of our relationship with them, physical closeness, emotional intimacy, shared responsibilities, · Our parents – kinship bonds and obligations, their health status, are they alive or not, is our relationship with them good · Work responsibilities and projects, our relationships at work · Financial status, constraints and benefits · Our physical surroundings are included, of course Our environment is ever-evolving, changing and offering the potential for emotional triggering and opportunities to heal past wounds. When something happens in any facet of our environment, we feel something shift in our core. If we have a new member in the family or if someone passes away, we may experience a mood shift or new anxieties. Or new fears may awaken related to our parent not being well. These environmental changes can shake our emotional foundation. Or if our job changes and shifts our role there. The Epicenter of our Life... Our surroundings and context are constantly changing, which produces opportunities for emotional healing. EmRes makes emotional healing accessible and effective. The goal is to bring us to the epicenter of our life. Imagine being in the center of many circles that represent the many facets of our past traumas. A stimulus, a detail, a change of situation happens in our greater environment that moves us into one of those circles. We then experience in our body the physical sensations that were felt during this specific trauma as a resonance with the stimulus from our current environment. We sometimes even emotionally "regress" to the age we were during this original trauma. With EmRes, we resolve as many of those circles as possible so that we can live without being thrown off-balance and into a trauma circle again— to live in peace with that past events. Are you ready to be in your epicenter?

By Sue Siebens It's a common refrain: "I know what's good for me, but __________" · I don't have time right now. When things slow down, I'll get to it. · It's too complicated. I'm confused about how or what to do first. · It's too hard to implement. I have too many balls to juggle already. · It's a long-term thing. The results are too far away to feel any urgency to act now. · I don't feel that bad. I'm coping okay. · It may work for others, but I don't think it matters that much for me. · It's too much of a challenge/cost/discomfort to make me want to do it. · I don't have the willpower to stay with it · ______________ (Your reason) We want good results—a healthy bank account, social life, and body. We may even research and learn what steps to take to reach our goal. But when it comes to taking the steps, we can become ambivalent if the benefits don't dramatically outweigh the costs. This can be especially true if the first steps involve some stumbling setbacks or temporary failures on the way to success. Due to new understandings of how our brains work, creating new habits can be achieved with new strategies: 1. Break down decisions and tasks into smaller pieces that are easier to master 2. Make decisions once that last for a long time—eliminating rethinking pressure 3. Link the change to public/social commitments—making them a regular feature [1] There is a lot of advice about strategies to make new habits a part of your life. But in the end, we don't do it because, on some level, we don't want to do it. It's all about RESISTANCE. Why would we resist what is good for us? It is an Emotional Unwillingness To Change. Change can bring up all sorts of issues · Fear of failure and the shame that goes with it. o Getting stuck in mixed feelings o Doubting the ability to change o Uncertain value of benefits o Unclear disadvantages of not changing · Fear of success and the unknown consequences it may bring. o The stress of adjusting to the new o Relationships and responsibilities shift when change occurs o Arriving at success without the happy outcomes we'd hoped for o Any change can feel like a lack of control Change is part of living. Whether we want to or not, life and living force us to change sooner or later. Our emotional obstacles may feel proper in the moment. But how do we know the clear path forward until the roadblock is swept away? When we remove the emotional roadblocks to progress, our perspective is cleared. We can easily see what change is good and right for us and what is not and act accordingly. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is the device for this work. EmRes removes the unprocessed emotional memories that get in the way of decision-making. It doesn't matter whether it's a big decision like what medical treatment to use or how to invest retirement savings or a small one like showing up for exercise or remembering to drink water throughout the day. When past emotions are triggered by something in our current environment, it creates a kind of emotional fog around our brains. When this happens, our everyday choices are limited to past circumstances. If it is not happening, these choices are driven by triggered emotions that separate us from success. This is not helpful to the present! EmRes sessions are not a walk through some distant past, trying to figure out the how, why, and where of those experiences. EmRes focuses on the current triggered experience and uses the body's innate abilities to process the emotional imprints that got stuck. Once gone, they are gone forever, which means no more triggering from that past emotional experience. Even if you remember it, which most of us don't, you will remember it without being triggered by it—it will just be part of your story, not your present. Emotional Resolution is not a coping mechanism that you need to use for the same triggered emotions time and again. It uses modern understandings of neuropsychology through viscersomatic quieting to calm the physical sensations in the body that we recognize as the source of emotional experiences. Thousands of EmRes sessions are conducted around the world each day. If you would like to change your life and can't quite seem to get there, EmRes can clear out the emotional roadblocks to your success. Are you ready to change for the better? References 1. Why Do We Avoid What is Good For Us?, https://scottberkun.com/2017/why-do-we-avoid-what-is-good-for-us About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Without question, our lives are more enjoyable without emotional triggers. Primary emotions are warnings about imminent danger and broken boundaries. They are instinctive and natural reactions to a change in our environment. They are the initial interpretation of that change [3]. These are important messages and indispensable as we detect threats or opportunit our lives. Our body sends us an emotional message which is felt and “handled” by the body. They are over in a flash, and our mind is working on any necessary proactive or defensive actions. On the other hand, emotional triggers are a secondary reflex to the emotion that just happened. They follow primary emotions so fast they may feel like one. But triggers result from our subconscious pulling an unprocessed emotional memory into the present situation. It is associating the current experience with a high-stress event from the past. The result can be increased anxiety, unexplained anger, crying, feelings of panic, and other uncomfortable physical symptoms. [1] Emotional triggers result in · feelings of betrayal, · unjust treatment, · helplessness or loss of control, · feeling insecure, · being unwanted or unneeded, · feeling soothered or too needed, · reacting defensively when our beliefs are challenged, · experiencing unjust treatment · feeling a loss of independence. [2] Large and small expressions of these feelings often fill our day as we interact with friends, family, co-workers and our community. From the moment we wake until we sleep again, it’s a constant barrage of stress-inducing emotions. It is so pervasive that it feels “normal.” But when we notice these feelings, we often go to great lengths to make them stop! So many of our behaviors and addictions are in place to calm the emotional noise in our lives. This is the opposite of what we want to experience! What would it be like to live in contentment and happiness? How strong we’d be if we could tolerate unrestrained and unguarded feelings of being loved and loving ourselves and others. We can keep all the personal boundaries that keep us from being bullied or someone’s doormat and be happy! We don’t need an official mental/emotional diagnosis to work on improving our emotional well-being. Using Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to improve your emotional life is relatively easy, and the results are permanent. So what is stopping us? Here are a few untruths about emotions: · If I show my feelings, others will think I’m weak. · Emotions are unnecessary. I should do my best to ignore/suppress them. · Whatever I feel is accurate and I must trust them. · To be authentic, I shouldn’t change the way I feel · Drama and extreme emotions are the spice of life. Life would be boring without them [4] · If I acknowledge my emotions fully, they will go away · I can use coping methods for temporary relief such as meditation, workout, yoga, a glass of wine, a little weed, etc · Working on emotions involves digging up a past. · I have to know the cause of my emotions to heal them. Primary emotions, as mentioned earlier, are instinctive, natural and necessary. There is no need to change them. The secondary, triggered emotions are the factors that cause the problems. EmRes is an emerging body of work that uses vicero-somatic quieting to address the emotional memories that cause triggering. By letting the body complete the processing of these emotional imprints, the subconscious will no longer create associations with the current experience—no more triggering. How different would life be if we were emotionally present—connected with our current circumstances instead of being reactive because of past unprocessed emotions? Emotional health is essential at every stage of life. It affects how we think, feel and act. Our emotional health heavily influences how we relate to others, handle stress, and make healthy choices.[5] EmRes will elevate your emotional health. It is based on current understandings of neuropsychology. In calm sessions with an EmRes Practitioner, the triggered emotion can be processed. By enabling the body to metabolize the emotional memory, the imprint is removed. The next time that situation happens again, there will be no secondary emotion. Imagine living where your emotions depend on you—and you alone. You are... · Seeking internal validation and self-assurance · Processing hard feeling as they arrive · Comfortable in social situations · Letting go of societal standards of beauty and diet culture · Asking for support instead of “being fine” · Holding my boundaries and using my voice if there are conflicts · Valuing my self-worth separately from my productivity · Celebrating my accomplishments without comparison to others You feel stable, grounded and happy. You are aware and respond to events around you. But you react to the present, not the past. Are you ready to be emotionally autonomous? References 1. Identifying Emotional Triggers and What They Mean, https://batonrougebehavioral.com/identifying-emotional-triggers-and-what-they-mean 2. How to Identify and Manage Your Emotional Triggers, Crystal Raypole, https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-triggers 3. Primary and secondary emotions (With examples), Hanan Parvez, https://www.psychmechanics.com/primary-and-secondary-emotions/ 4. E6: Myths about Emotions, https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/emotion-regulation/myths-emotions/ 5. About Mental Health, https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/learn/index.htm About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Who is to blame for the disappointments and missteps we experience? Is it us? Or is it THEM?! Blame shifting, or blaming others for our mistakes, is a defense mechanism or self-protection. As a coping strategy, we sometimes project our failures onto others by using them as scapegoats. Avoiding difficult and challenging emotions such as shame, guilt, hurt, disappointment, sadness and feelings of inadequacy or powerlessness, by blaming is a quick escape.[1] It can seem natural to look outward for a cause rather than turning inwards on ourselves. It’s often done unconsciously. · I was late because of the traffic. · They never call me, so we don’t talk anymore. · I failed the test because the teacher was awful. · My partner doesn’t love me enough, so I feel bad about myself. · That cop had it out for me. I was going to get the tail light fixed soon. · That driver is insane. Don‘t they know the rest of us can occupy the road too? · The government is not helping its citizens. · My job is tedious because management doesn’t care. It’s making someone else responsible for choices and decisions that are ours to make. To be clear, this is not to suggest that the other party is blameless. But we have a part in every situation we attend. Perhaps we have a blind spot about our ability to change the situation. And to be a little brutal, there is a familiarity and laziness in complaining [2]--not taking responsibility for our side of the problem and growing a little as a result. Get out of the blaming rut Blame shifting is sparked by someone doing something to us. We ignore all responsibility for asserting our needs, saying no or going elsewhere for what we want or need. [2] Emotions are triggering this behavior, and we are self-soothing by pushing it off on others. Triggered emotions are prompted by current environmental cues, but the emotion being played out is from the past. Emotions felt in this provoked way keep us stuck in the same behavior pattern. We don’t see that we could react differently. And so we are bound to repeat the blaming repeatedly in countless situations. Part of the problem is that our feelings feel justified--They did wrong, and I’m in the right. And the triggered emotions that lead to blaming can be subtle. They may not feel like typical emotions of anger or frustration. It can sometimes feel like we are just along for the right—it’s out of our hands. We didn’t initiate it, and it is not our fault. When we experience blaming behavior, the underlying emotion originates in the past. Unprocessed emotions from high-stress events can linger in the body and be awakened by similar situations as we move forward. Emotions, and behaviors triggered by emotions, that last longer that a few seconds are triggered and have a unprocessed component that can be remedied. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is an emerging technique that addresses the underlying causes of triggered emotions through vicerosomatic quieting. In the private, calm and safe space of an EmRes session, the emotion is processed through interoception, feeling body sensations. This way, the lingering emotion is resolved permanently and will not return. The blaming behavior is broken completely, and the relationship with the other party shifts. We find that the “bully-victim relationship” is undone. With the trigger gone, new ideas and behaviors for handling similar situation spring up unbidden. They can act their way, but we have access to more choices. Are you ready to change your blame game? References 1. 7 Consequences of Blaming Others for How We Manage Anger, Bernard Golden PhD, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/201811/7-consequences-blaming-others-how-we-manage-anger 2. 15 types of distorted thinking, 12/15: Blaming, Peter Ledden, https://abatecounselling.ie/2018/11/23/blaming/ Image by Afif Ramdhasuma from Pixabay About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Money and finance are easy to be scared of. We live in a Material World—just ask George Harrison or Madonna. Money flows into and out of our pockets. Our fear measures this balance. An abundance of in-flow with moderate outflow can help us feel secure. But switch it to less coming in than going out, and we feel on the precipice of disaster. After all, while money does not buy happiness, it sure does offer us choices—the less money and the few options we have. At the extreme, we feel our back is to the wall, and panic can set in. Some everyday money worries are: · Lack of understanding when it comes to how money and finances work · Debt burdens, particularly non-secured debt such as credit card · Losing a job or income source, divorce, losing the ability to work · Talking about money with partners: business, financial, family or spouse · Losing, running out or not having enough money to fund future needs, whether it's a child's education, support parents, retirement or paying rent and buying food for the next month.[1] These are all serious issues and should not be ignored or pushed aside. And at the same time, we can be very emotional when it comes to money issues which cloud our judgment and ability to plan effectively. Understanding that there is a problem and having a sense of urgency about it is a good thing. But often, we feel panicky, overwhelmed, depressed and may give up. These triggered emotions obscure good options and decision-making. Now is not the time to be muddled with emotions. It is best to rid ourselves of triggered emotions related to money to help avoid financial mistakes. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, will do precisely that. EmRes removes the emotional stress that fogs our thoughts. Clearing unprocessed emotions with EmRes frees us to be rational and make sound financial choices. Unprocessed emotions remain in our bodies because of high-stress events that temporarily overwhelm the body's natural capacity to manage them. Uncomfortable feelings that last more than a few seconds are triggered emotions. EmRes uses the body's same natural ability to complete what was left undone. It gives the body the space and time to finish processing the lingering emotional imprints. EmRes sessions are private, calm conversations that use interoception, feeling body sensations, to effectively do this work. Remembering or sharing the original high-stress event or emotional injury is not necessary. We may remember past emotional events. But we'll not be triggered going forward --not tomorrow, next week or ever. The Emotional Health Institute developed Emotional Resolution. Using modern neuropsychology as its basis, EmRes is not a coping skill but offers actual resolution and cessation of triggers. Thousands of EmRes sessions take place around the world each day. If you are emotional about your financial situation, you are being manipulated by unprocessed emotions. Clear your feelings and see your problem without the emotional fog. You will feel differently, be open to solutions and be able to take appropriate action. Are you ready to take a serious look at your finances without emotions? References 1. Financial Fears: 17 Common Money Worries, https://wwhttps://womenwhomoney.com/common-financial-fears-overcome-money-worries/ Image by Sally Jermain from Pixabay About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Is it fear of failure? Or is it knowing that winning will never be an option for me—at least not without a painful struggle? Imposter syndrome is when we feel incompetent, incapable or unqualified regardless of our skills, training or experience. It is the negative self-talk that has us restless and nervous about our performance. Common characteristics include: · An inability to realistically assess your competence and skills · Attributing your success to external factors · Berating your performance · Fear that you won't live up to expectations · Overachieving · Sabotaging your success · Self-doubt · Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short[1] We are pressed on all sides by the need to achieve. It's a big ask, especially when first starting. If we do succeed but not in a big way, that also is a kind of failure. "Ultimately, the impostor phenomenon becomes a cycle. Afraid of being discovered as a fraud, people with impostor feelings go through contortions to do a project perfectly. When they succeed, they begin to believe all that anxiety and effort paid off. Eventually, they develop almost superstitious beliefs, thinking their successes must be due to that self-torture."[2] Imposter syndrome feelings and behaviors are self-defeating barriers to success. Imposter syndrome occurs in people of all backgrounds, ages and genders. There is a variety of contributing influencers. · Overcontrolling or overprotective parenting · Mixed messages from parents, such as flipping back and forth between offering praise and being critical · High levels of conflict with low levels of support · High pressures to achieve combined with a lack of experience · Low self-efficacy – your ability to succeed · Perfectionism · Social anxiety · Experienced discrimination or exclusion[3] Impostor syndrome even exists among high achievers who cannot internalize and accept their success. It’s the confusion between approval, love and worthiness.[2] There is lots of advice out there to cope with the false narratives of imposter syndrome: · Fake it until you make it · Face until you make it · Failing is good. That is how we learn. Work, fail, learn from it, work, fail, learn, etc., until you get it right · Stop comparing yourself to others. We all advance at our own pace. · Take baby steps—give up perfection and focus on progress These strategies are about forcing action. But having the courage to do something you are afraid of takes a lot of energy and work! AND these coping mechanisms don’t get rid of the problem—cope now, but it will play out again the next time you’re in a similar situation. Getting beyond feelings of self-doubt and incompetence When we experience these emotions, we tend to believe these expressions are part of our core personality and we are stuck with them. Sometimes we will think that knowing the details of the original wounds will free us. Too often, we accept that emotional wounds are complicated and dealing with them is too complex and painful. None of this is true! Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is the easiest way to remove the emotional stress that makes our life less than perfect. Instead of being courageous, EmRes allows us to be rationally fearless. When we feel uncomfortable emotions for longer than a few seconds, we are reexperiencing an unprocessed emotion. During high-stress events, in-flight emotions may not be entirely processed by our bodies. When there are other more essential survival priorities, unprocessed emotions remain in our bodies as emotional-sensory imprints. These are the triggered emotions when we encounter similar situations in the future. Emotional Resolution, developed by the Emotional Health Institute, uses current understandings in modern neuropsychology. EmRes is not another coping mechanism. It is a body of work based on interoception, watching physical sensations to clear triggered emotions. EmRes creates the time and space for the body to process the unprocessed emotions. EmRes removes the emotional-sensory imprints permanently. Once gone, they can not be triggered again. Addressing unprocessed emotions in the EmRes way has some unique benefits: · Sessions are like having a calm conversation with a friend. · We don’t have to know the origin or details of the original emotional injury. · Even if remembered, sessions do not involve reliving or triggered · There is no need to share personal details if it is too uncomfortable · Emotional relief is a result of each EmRes session. Complex issues often require just a few sessions. If you feel incompetent, incapable or unqualified, regardless of your skills, then you are being pressured by unprocessed emotions to feel and think that way. Imposter syndrome can change with EmRes. You can rise to a place of calmness and confidence in spaces where you felt otherwise. Are you ready to believe in yourself and live your life fearlessly? References 1. What Is Imposter Syndrome?, by Arlin Cuncic, https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469#citation-3 ,(4. Sakulku J, Alexander J. The imposter phenomenon. Int J Behav Sci. 2011;6(1):73-92. doi:10.14456/IJBS.2011.6) 2. Feel like a fraud?, by Kirsten Weir, https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/fraud 3. What Is Imposter Syndrome?, by Arlin Cuncic, https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469#citation-3 Photo by Microsoft Edge on Unsplash About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Fear is a huge distraction. It erodes our competency and steals our agency. Instinctual fear is automatic and required—it’s a survival thing. But triggered fears are not based in our current reality; they are only reflections of past experiences prompted by current sensorial cues. Being repeatedly afraid without a survival threat changes how we view others, ourselves and our place in the world. We lose our ability to manage risk and threats effectively. Our capacity to deal with life is diminished. [1] This is the fifth and final installment on Fear-Based Behaviors. (Read from the first post in the series here.) Our fifth topic in this series is Seducing: Going Toward the Fear. What if we could make friends with a fear that dominates us? From people-pleasing and codependence to Stockholm syndrome, negotiating directly with the source of our fear is a common strategy. Often people-pleasing is a learned behavior of hoping for better treatment from those that have mistreated them. Kindness is not the same thing. Being kind and cooperative in relationships allows for self-care and maintaining boundaries. People-pleasing demonstrates a reluctance to “disappoint” others at our own expense—even if it seems minor at the time. Others will see that we can be taken advantage of, and they will. Signs that you are a people-pleaser: · You can’t say no or speak up for ourselves · You often apologize either due to excessively blaming yourself or thinking you will be accused you beat others to the punch · You pretend to agree with everyone because you want to be liked. · You are uncomfortable when someone is displeased or angry with you and go to great lengths to avoid conflict · You won’t admit when your feelings are hurt · You feel responsible for how other people feel · You act like the people around you, including setting aside your own goals and agency and adopting other’s, if you think it will please them · You need praise and validation to feel good about yourself, your work or your circumstances · You feel burdened by the things you have to do, especially if someone else wants you to do it [2] Sometimes we feel as if it is our only choice. It can be hard to hold our ground in the face of someone who needs us or is a bully or abuser. It can be challenging if we fear that being or saying what we truly want and need will negatively damage our relationships. The guilt and fear of rejection or disappointment can be overwhelming. If the opposing person becomes indignant or retaliatory when we say no, it becomes easier and easier to comply with their wishes and abandon our own needs. [3] So how do we let go of these fears that make us submit repeatedly? The emotions stoking our fear have been with us so long our subconscious now drives it. Whether we remember their origin or not, these subconscious fears are the remnants of emotions left unprocessed during a high-stress event. High-stress events are different for each person—what stresses me out may not worry you and vice versa. The body handles all emotions we experience. Every day, our body feels physical sensations associated with emotions and cleans them up. Under high-stress conditions, our body may be too occupied with other concerns to do its clean-up work. In this case, the emotional sensory imprint lingers in the body. This imprint is the source of the triggered emotion. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is a body of work based on interoception, feeling physical sensations. EmRes allows the body to process the unprocessed emotional imprints that remain in the body. EmRes is based in the understanding and developments of modern neuropsychology. It is not another coping method. EmRes removes the sensory imprint permanently. Once the emotional sensory imprint is gone, it will not be triggered by current circumstances. It is gone—no more triggering. There are benefits to using interoception to reach the root of unprocessed emotion. · We don’t have to know how, where, when or why the original emotion was left unprocessed. · There is no reliving of the original event, even if it is remembered · It is not required to share personal details if it’s too uncomfortable · Each session brings relief; usually, only a few sessions are necessary for more complex issues. The pace and frequency of EmRes' work is driven by the desire to feel better. Each EmRes session is complete in and of itself. But of course, the more triggered emotions are resolved, the better your life will be, and the more you will be able to stand in your power. So: · When are you trying to befriend or seduce the source of the fear? · When do you agree, even when it goes against your best interest? · When do you cover up your personality and behave like “them” to fit in? · When do you agree to activities that are not in alignment with your goals or happiness? · When do you need compliments to feel happy or appreciated? · When are you people-pleasing to avoid conflict? EmRes can lead you to the contentment to step up to your own life with confidence. References 1. Running Toward Fear: the Key to Reducing Anxiety, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-older-dad/201211/running-toward-fear-the-key-reducing-anxiety 2. 10 Signs You're a People-Pleaser, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201708/10-signs-youre-people-pleaser 3. Are You a People-Pleaser?, https://whatiscodependency.com/what-causes-people-pleasing-are-you-a-people-pleaser/ Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Many of our behaviors are based on subconscious fears from past traumas and collected coping skills. Often we ascribe certain behaviors to aspects of our personality: shy, loud, arrogant, pushy, peace-maker, perfectionist. Regardless of how expressed, personality traits show up on a spectrum that reflects our inner emotional states. While we may not feel the need to change, we will be more content and joyous when we aren’t constantly reacting to situations with fear. This is the fourth installment on Fear-Based Behaviors. (Read from the first post in the series here.) Our fourth topic in this series is Overpower/Taking Control: Controlling the Fear. We all want to control what happens in our lives to some measure. Behind almost every controlling action is fear, such as being alone, rejected, or of poverty or other trauma-based emotional imprints. These behaviors are driven by anxiety and the need to feel safe. [1] Control can go two ways: toward the self and others. Self-control is something we learn as we grow from kids to adults. It includes · impulse control—stop and think before acting, · emotional control – coping and managing disappointments and feelings, · movement control – managing how your body moves and when Collectively, these executive functions keep our relationships with ourselves and others running smoothly. When these controls are not integrated, we can display the following behaviors: · Lack verbal filters, blurt things out, interrupt, talk out of turn, talk too much · Act without thinking, rush through tasks and assignments, procrastinate, inconsistently follow rules · Get frustrated quickly, not handle criticism when things get tough or give up entirely · Have trouble maintaining emotional equilibrium, overreacting to disappointments and victories · Physical restless, fidgety, can’t sit still or stay in line · Disrupt games and conversations with movement, unaware of their physical space and run into people [2] There are also ways we control how we feel and situations that are uncomfortable: · Using alcohol, TV, meditation, breath-work, recreational drugs, sex, and exercise to shift our mood · Living downtown because we are afraid of driving, living far away from our parents or family · Excusing ourselves by saying that we are not feeling well because we do not want to see relatives at thanksgiving? Or coworkers at a party Sometimes people that lack self-control fill that void by controlling others. In a way, they project their shortcomings on others.[3] Outward controlling behavior is when a person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs – even at the others’ expense. [4] Common behaviors include: · Being uncomfortable in new circumstances and often being unwilling to adapt to them · Excessive need to impress others, be someone’s BFF or teacher’s pet · Lying and manipulating others to direct events and choices · Jealously not allowing partners to have their own friends, particularly friends of the opposite sex or gender they are attracted to · Micromanaging employees or family members · Controlling all conversations, talking over, frequently interrupting · Using the “silent treatment” instead of words to express displeasure · Bad-mouthing and belittling other’s appearance or behavior to affect change · Being a penny pincher, controlling all the finances, hiding accounts · Shifting the blame for their own behavior to their target These examples of self-control or other control expand in scope and volume on a spectrum of abuse and personality disorders. [5] It’s all about fear and controlling things to ease uncomfortable feelings. Despite how trivial or abusive the controlling behaviors are, getting rid of the fear frees all parties involved. We may not want to admit that we lack self-control or are controlling others (except maybe our kids, which is a necessary obligation they should age out of quite quickly.) But don’t reject this idea out of hand. Take the time to look at the little manipulations, redirections and shifting power dynamics in your relationships. We all have these behaviors to some degree. If you are willing to let go of the fear behind these exchanges, you will find yourself in relationships with less stress and drama. You will still recognize when your voice and authority are needed, but it won’t be driven by fear, *heavy sigh of relief!* So how do we let go of these hidden fears that push us to control? Behaviors are emotions that are not felt consciously. The subconscious connects a current environmental stimulus (sights, sounds, smells, life situations, etc.) with an unprocessed emotional memory. And we are triggered because the unprocessed emotional memory still exists. The entire body is our emotional organ. When an emotion is stimulated, it appears in the body first, and the body quickly “cleans up” the emotional message after it has been received. The brain reacts by deciding what action to take. Sometimes in high-stress situations, the body doesn’t have the time or opportunity to finish the cleanup job, and an imprint of the emotion remains in the body. This unprocessed emotional imprint is the source of the future-triggered emotion. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is a body of work designed to resolve unprocessed emotional memories. By accessing recent triggered emotional episodes, EmRes directs the body to clean up imprints, which breaks down the triggering cycle. It is not necessary to know how, when, where or why the emotion was stuck in the first place. And it is not required to share personal details beyond the outline of the specific emotional episode being addressed. The subconscious knows all the details and secrets already. EmRes employs the subconscious to direct the body’s cleanup work directly to the emotional root of the problem. Then using interoception, feeling body sensations, the body processes the memory. In an amazingly short time, the emotional imprint of that situation is gone. It can feel like magic because of the quick relief EmRes brings. But it's based on new understandings in modern neuropsychology. By addressing controlling behaviors and the situations that trigger them with EmRes, we process the old stuff that has gone deep into our subconscious. That same situation will not trigger that controlling behavior again – not ever. So: · When are you pushing others or yourself? · When are you imposing your authority when it is not your project or house? · When do you have to be right (about everything)? References 1. Why Anyone Would Want to Control You, https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-anyone-would-want-to-control-you 2. The 3 types of self-control, https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-3-types-of-self-control 3. Who cannot control himself tries to control the others, https://psychology-spot.com/controlling-the-others/ 4. Controlling Behavior: Signs, Causes, And What To Do About It, https://www.supportiv.com/relationships/controlling-behavior-signs-causes-what-to-do 5. How to deal with Controlling People, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/controlling-people 6. articles/controlling-people Image by ashish choudhary from Pixabay About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Fear-Based Behaviors show up in our lives in many and varied ways. Our emotions go silent when they are ignored or suppressed for long enough. They become behaviors driven by our subconscious. Often they feel normal and natural. They may feel appropriate for the given situation. We often associate them with our personalities. But it’s often our fears coming out. This is the third installment on Fear-Based Behaviors. (Read from the first post in the series here.) Our third topic in this series is Inhibition: Being Stopped by the Fear. In psychology, Inhibition is the conscious or unconscious constraint or curtailment of a process or behavior, especially of impulses or desires.[1] We need some inhibitions to live in a community with other beings. A person’s moral equilibrium, what is appropriate or not, and our self-esteem is maintained by unconscious prohibitions of a person’s personality.[2] Inhibition is also our most common limitation and obstacle, even if we believe we are relatively free of difficulties and live with these behaviors unaware of them. They can keep us from freely expressing our desires and natural abilities. They can diminish our full development and enjoyment of life.[2] Inhibition develops over a lifetime. Children can be withdrawn and develop avoiding behaviors at a very young age. Often these blocks are carried into adolescence, where withdrawing from unfamiliar people, situations, and objects becomes a more ingrained behavior. Teenagers are more aware of their social conditions and more likely to be intimidated in public, fostering potentially embarrassing issues. By the time individuals achieve adulthood, inhibited individuals are better at predicting uncomfortable social situations and generally have the agency to avoid them. Inhibitions that hold us back range from shyness to social anxiety and phobias, and all the life events in between. Anyone can be inhibited in daily life, with strangers or even friends. One’s sensitivity levels can depend on social cues throughout the day. [3] · Absence of any aggressiveness: Conflict avoidance, not being able to defend yourself verbally or otherwise, being taken advantage of at work, or allowing the invasion of personal physical space · Lack of expression: words, thoughts and gestures are restricted, spontaneity is limited, giving up before failure is even possible, not being able to promote yourself or share your story · Social withdrawal: making the effort to go to a party, but not being part of it once your there, introducing yourself to the host’s dog instead of new people, sitting silently with other non-joiners · Lost trust in others: being suspicious as a default, waiting for the betrayal, self-focus, few “true” friends and social contacts So how do we let go of our collected inhibitions and find more enjoyment in our relationships and activities? First, we have to recognize that change can be scary. But removing inhibitions doesn’t mean that we change who we are. It’s unlikely that we will become the extrovert “party guy,” the “big, loud talker,” or the “bossy know-it-all.” Don’t worry! Letting go of inhibitions means being more comfortable in your skin and thoughts in the presence of strangers or current challenges and being willing to engage socially without stress. The root of Inhibition is unprocessed memories from high-stress events in our life. High-stress events can contribute to leaving the in-flight emotions unfinished in some way. And they will remain in the body as an emotional memory or imprint. These become the triggered emotions we experience later. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, uses a natural ability to process emotions stuck in our body—the emotional imprints. Using interoception, observing physical sensations connected to emotions, EmRes gives the body time to resolve the unprocessed emotional imprint, removing the trigger. EmRes process does not explain why we have an emotional imprint. It employs the subconscious’ GPS to the root of the problem and metabolizes the neurotransmitters that got stuck. The triggering emotional memory is gone. It is not necessary to know how, when, where or why it got stuck in the first place. All emotions are linked to a situation. Emotions don’t just happen without some sort of stimulus, environmental or mental. Inhibition, like many emotional disturbances, may be triggered by many unique situations. With EmRes, the emotion-situations are addressed as they appear in current-ish life. EmRes is done either in the moment with EmRes-Self or afterward in session with an EmRes Profession. Just a handful of resolutions can make a big difference in how we feel when we are exposed to social challenges. So: · What situations make you lose your ground? · When do you give in, even if you are right? Even if it’s not the best choice—only a “safer choice”? · When are you frozen into inaction? Can’t or won’t do it? References 1. https://www.britannica.com/science/inhibition-psychology 2. Understanding and treating psychological inhibitions, Culsulta Beakeland, https://www.consultabaekeland.com/p/en/psychoanalyst-madrid-blog/understanding-and-treating-psychological-inhibitions.php 3. Social Inhibition, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_inhibition Photo by Russell Ferrer on Unsplash About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens We continue the series with a second installment on Fear-Based Behaviors. (Read from the first post in the series here.) Many of our fears are not felt but are active below the level of consciousness. Our subconscious, aware of our unprocessed emotions, triggers these fears into actions and reactions. Our second topic in this series is Aggressiveness: Going Against the Fear. Even the word “aggression” can be triggering for some people. “Aggression is a behavior that is characterized by strong self-assertion with hostile or harmful tones. Aggression may sometimes be a normal reaction to a threat. It may also be abnormal, unprovoked or reactive behavior. Aggressive behaviors are directed at oneself, others, animals, or property. They can be verbal or physical. They can be premeditated and goal-oriented, or impulsive. They can be direct or indirect, overt or covert.”[1] Woof! And interestingly, the Diagnostic Manual of Psychiatry (DSM) does not list excessive aggression as a personality problem like other behaviors that go beyond “normal”: too much anxiety is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), too much fear is phobias, too much concern for personal safety is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), etc. Too much aggression? No diagnosis.[2] It seems to be lumped into “other” disorder responses. There is a difference between being assertive/self-assured and aggressive. Assertive is being confident and straightforward while respecting the opinions of others and their right to have those opinions. Aggression always assumes they are right and absolutely correct, being harsh and not respecting others’ opinions and rights.[3] Aggressive behavior can be a reaction at the moment or planned. Either way, the response is triggered. Each reaction depends on the person’s past high-stress emotions and the current situation. It’s personal and unique to them and what’s happening now. Physical aggression involves harming others physically—for instance, hitting, kicking, stabbing, or shooting them. Nonphysical aggression is aggression that does not include physical harm. Nonphysical aggression includes · verbal aggression (yelling, screaming, swearing, and name-calling) and · relational aggression is intentionally harming another person’s social relationships, for instance, by gossiping about another person, excluding others from our friendship, or giving others the “silent treatment.” Nonverbal aggression also occurs in sexual, racial, and homophobic jokes and epithets designed to cause harm. [4] If aggression is loud and visible, it is easier to identify. It’s the many quiet mental, emotional and verbal aggressions that may live more subtly in our lives: · Social aggression is like hitting with feelings - Gossiping about someone, excluding someone, threatening to end relationships, making facial gestures, and bullying.[5] · Passive-aggressive is indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of confrontation, such as stonewalling, sarcastic comments, pretending to agree, deflection, silent sabotage, intentionally failing to follow through, making excuses, and any combination of these. [6] All these triggered reactions come from unprocessed emotions. Our subconscious speaks through our emotional body memories, asking for some relief. The current situation has reminded the subconscious that some emotional event in the past—maybe recently, maybe long ago—has unfinished business and needs to be cleaned up. These quiet aggressions build up the strain of life, little by little. Every time an irritant sparks an aggressive behavior, it adds an emotional pebble. That weight brings us down over time. If you are collecting stones from the time your eyes flutter open in the morning, your emotional gravel hauler will be outsized before long. You become more reactive because of this burden of stress. How do we lighten the load and find more peace in our life? We work on the triggers—those unprocessed emotional memories that keep springing to life in aggressive ways. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, uses a natural process called Viscero-somatic Quieting (or Somatric Quieting). The body, including the head, is where our emotions live. Viscero-somatic quieting starts with locating current emotions by feeling active physical sensations in the body. The mind is just reacting to the emotional information that these emotional, physical sensations represent. The mind unsucessfully tries to control them or to make them “go away.” It is the body’s job to hold and manage emotions, in the words of Lisa Feldman Barrett “Your brain keeps the score. Your body is the scorecard”. The fact that we have aggression in our behavior, large or small, tells us that something remains unfinished, for whatever reason. It’s time to clean it up. EmRes turns our attention to our unprocessed emotions. It gives the body time and space to finish cleaning up the emotional imprints left during high-stress events of our past. In an EmRes session, it uses current-ish situations as a GPS to stimulate enough subconscious recall to point the process to the triggering emotional imprint. EmRes is simple yet so effective. The work is deep and can tremendously change how we feel, react and behave. That gravel hauler will have less and less to carry. Life gets more stress-free and content. So: · What annoys you? · What situations make you angry or frustrated, make you roll your eyes, be snappy, want to be violent, or punch a wall? References 1. Aggression And Social Anxiety Among Young Adults ,https://www.researchgate.net/publication/356775497_Aggression_And_Social_Anxiety_Among_Young_Adults 2. On Aggression, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dog-days/201612/aggression 3. What is the Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive, https://pediaa.com/what-is-the-difference-between-assertive-and-aggressive/ 4. PRINCIPLES OF SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY – 1ST INTERNATIONAL H5P EDITION. Chapter 9. Aggression, https://opentextbc.ca/socialpsychology/chapter/defining-aggression/ 5. The etiology of social aggression: A nuclear twin family study, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7192661 6. 7 tell-tale signs of passive-aggressive behavior, plus how to respond and address it in yourself,https://www.insider.com/guides/health/mental-health/passive-aggressive Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Sometimes emotions are not felt. Suppressed emotions are expressed as behaviors. Often these are the soft emotional reactions and subtle ways we deal with our lives every day without much thought. Usually, they feel so “normal” that we assign these behaviors to our personality: introvert, extrovert, bossy, shy, controlling, etc. It feels like we have always been that way or reacted that way; It's an appropriate reaction –it's just how it is—how we are. This article is the first in a five-part series to explore the fear-based behaviors we all experience. Just because an emotion is not felt does not mean there is no impact on our life, happiness and contentment. In fact, in our Introduction to Emotional Resolution Class (LINK), we introduce our students to fear-based behaviors as suggestions for using Self-Emotional Resolution (Self-EmRes). The goal is to eliminate all emotions that drag us down, not just the big flashy ones. Fear-based behaviors are triggered by something in our immediate environment or social situation. They are our actions in response to fear, anxiety or panic. There is a difference between "I don't like it" versus "I don't like it because when I do, I get triggered.” For example, “I don’t eat spinach because I don’t like the taste/texture” versus, “I avoid spinach because I'm flooded with uncomfortable feelings when I see or smell it.” Our first topic in this series is Escape and Avoidance: Moving Away From the Fear. These are behaviors where a person does not enter a situation (avoidance) or leaves the situation once they have entered it (escape). Distraction is also an avoidance behavior because it's a way of not engaging.[1] These are our conscious or unconscious efforts to avoid dealing with a stressor to protect ourselves from the stressor's difficulties.[2] Avoidance shows up in our lives in several ways[3]: Situational Avoidance is the most common. Certain people trigger it, locations, activities, foods, animals or social situations that prompt panic or anxiety. People can see this in their lives as · Avoiding eye contact · Self-isolation · Lowering voice when speaking · Crossing the street, hiding in a restroom or leaving a gathering early · Avoiding certain social activities or canceling plans at the last minute · Not answering calls or text messages · Avoiding certain places and at certain times · Fear traveling or being on our own · Leaving jobs when a particular type of person shows up · Being afraid of public speaking and dropping a class, quitting a job or ditching an event when expected to speak in front of others Cognitive Avoidance avoids unpleasant thoughts or memories that are distressing. People will try to suppress or reject those thoughts to discharge undesirable or overwhelming feelings. · Forcefully trying not to think about it · Trying to numb out the unwanted thoughts · Constantly worrying about someone, something or some event to come · Compulsively repeating phrases, prayers, or positive affirmations Protective Avoidance uses excessive safety behaviors such as checking, cleaning, over-preparing or perfectionism. Obsessive-compulsive and eating disorders land in this category. As does procrastination. Somatic Avoidance gets our mind and body involved. Somatic Avoidance avoids the internal sensations associated with emotional distress: being out of breath, getting exhausted, and feeling hot. These are the well-known symptoms of anxiety and panic: shallow breathing, tightness in the chest, increased heart rate and sweaty palms. Someone may avoid even the normally pleasant sensations of excited anticipation of an upcoming event or sexual arousal because they feel too similar to being anxious. And finally, Substitution Avoidance is replacing one feeling with another, for example, replacing grief with anger or another more tolerable emotion at that moment. Numbing out is a form of substitution. Compulsive behaviors involving food, drugs and alcohol, sex and pornography, shopping or gambling are common strategies to feel something else. To be clear, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with many of the listed behaviors on their own. But if a person uses them to avoid or escape emotions, it won’t be successful--they are working against themselves. Coping mechanisms just push the feelings down the road—they don’t resolve or eliminate the triggering agents. Traditionally we believe that our mind is in control of emotions. But it is the body that is the emotional powerhouse.The mind only receives emotional cues and reacts in the way a cognitive mind does—with action, fight, flight, and freeze. The triggering agents are the unprocessed emotions that our bodies didn’t get a chance to work on when the feelings originally happened. In high-stress situations, the body temporarily suspends the job of cleaning up emotional cues/neurotransmitters to take care of more pressing business. The residual emotional imprints remain and can only be addressed by the body, not the mind. Emotional Resolution, EmRes, uses viscero-somatic quieting to allow the body to finish the emotional cleanup job. Resolving emotions with EmRes removes triggers the subconscious mind activates in reaction to cues from a person’s current situation/environment. The Avoidance/Escape behavior itself is the clue that an emotional trigger is buried and is asking to be resolved. There is no judgment or need to know about who, what, when, where, or why it’s there. It’s just the body saying, “there is some unfinished emotional business here,” and the mind misinterpreting that message as a current event. The event was in the past when the original emotion was left unprocessed. By resolving our Avoidance/Escape behaviors, we free ourselves to be present and find out what we honestly don’t like versus what we don’t like because it triggers us. So: · What actions, conversations, or situations are you escaping from or avoiding, resisting? · Where do you go out of your way not to do something or talk about it? · When you need wine, yoga, exercise, meditation, food, sex, gambling, gossip to relax from "it" or as a reward for "doing it"? References 1. Avoidance Behavior: Examples, Impacts, & How to Overcome, https://www.choosingtherapy.com/avoidance-behavior/ 2. Avoidance coping, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidance_coping 3. The Five Types of Avoidance, https://psychcentral.com/pro/the-five-types-of-avoidance#1 4. Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.

By Sue Siebens Parenting is a tough job, even if you love it. Teaching our children all the life skills they need to be successful adults can be overwhelming. There are many details to parse into age-appropriate bites: · decision-making · health and hygiene · time and money management · maintaining a home · school and work skills · goal setting and working towards achievements And, of course, how to handle an emotional life that is uniquely theirs. There is no universal formula for parenting. Each child has different needs regarding just the right amount of attention, support, encouragement, and restraint. And those levels change as they move through different stages and sometimes through the day. We learn how to deal with emotions from our first family and support figures. Emotional regulating solutions are passed down through the generations. We are content when not experiencing a disruptive emotion; We are in equilibrium with our present environment. We each have a collection of coping mechanisms that help us reacquire calmness. And we try to teach these skills to our kids to help them face their fears, calm themselves down, and cheer themselves up. · Breathing exercises · Label the feeling · Positive self talk · Physical movement and exercise · Paying games and other mood boosters If we are honest, we know from our own experience that these strategies are a temporary relief. When the situational trigger happens again, the same triggered emotion will erupt again. Each repeated instance creates an incrementally larger reaction, making things worse over time. A Better Understanding Triggered emotions are unprocessed emotions from some past high-stress event. They are re-expressed when something in our current situation alerts our subconscious to a similarity with an unprocessed emotion. And a triggered emotion blooms up in us. We may think that kids haven’t had enough experience to have unprocessed memories. But that’s not true. Emotions are present in us from the beginning: in-utero and on. But we don’t develop cognitive abilities to interpret or understand these emotional messages until much later…if ever. Many emotions may not get processed fully during high-stress events and linger in the body as emotional imprints. Observe a newborn or toddler to see their high-stress emotions in action when they are not fed on time, it is nap time or time to share a toy. To be sure, high-stress emotional and physical events, that create unprocessed emotions can occur throughout our lives. But many are made during the birth process and the first 1000 days [1]. As a result, children have many unprocessedemotions that drive their emotional life. How can we help them? Emotional Resolution, EmRes, is a simple, yet powerful protocol that uses the body’s innate ability to process emotion, new or old. We just have to give the body the time and space to do the work. EmRes sessions access unprocessed emotions through recent triggered situations. Sessions are conducted by EmRes Professionals in a private, safe environment. EmRes-Self is conducted on oneself in the moment of the emotion, resolving the unprocessed emotion that is currently active. Children older than 11 can participate in EmRes sessions and learn EmRes-Self as adults do. They can manage their emotional life with a minimum of side coaching/reminders from parents and session work. Children ages 4-11, depending on their maturity level, can benefit from EmRes sessions and learn EmRes-Self. By working individually with them when they are experiencing an uncomfortable feeling, the child learns how to resolve their unprocessed emotions. It is not just tantrums. Kids have a full range of emotional expressions similar to adults, with fear heading the list. There are fears from external sources: o thunderstorms, o the dark, o scary movies, o being bullied, etc. and · from internal sources: o learning disabilities, o academic expectations, o test anxiety, o sports achievement, o feeling powerless and insecurity, o power and control issues, etc. It is challenging to navigate constant change socially and physically as a child. Remember, when a child is stressed and acting out, they are trying to tell us that something is wrong. Resolving emotional pain makes sailing smoother. EmRes is an invaluable tool for every child to have. As they resolve their emotional difficulties, they eliminate their fears and bring calmness and agency to their life. Who else needs the work? More often than not, when a child has an emotional episode, the parent/teacher/coach is also triggered by the behavior. They can experience a matrix of feelings. For example · loss of control · anger and frustration · inadequacy · worry · embarrassed · defensiveness · guilt · shame If the parent has an emotional response, it is impossible to be fully present for the child and their emotional healing. Answer: The adult needs to EmRes their own fear based emotional reactions before trying to help the child. It only takes 6-60 seconds, and the parent can then remind or assist the child through any EmRes-Self they need. When a parent/teacher/coach resolves their own emotions, it does two remarkable things: 1. the parent removes their emotional energy from the situation, making them more effective, and 2. the child sees the adult tending to their emotions, modeling a successful self-care strategy. Modeling good emotional hygiene is so powerful that it surpasses words. Actions always speak louder than words. What about kids under four years? We are all reflective of the emotional environment around us. Small children especially so. Remember, they are little emotional beings without the cognitive ability to understand it all. The best game plan is 1. Adults EmRes themselves, then 2. kindly hold the child or be in their space, and continue to EmRes yourself for both child and adult. The child will calm as the adult does. In fact, this is true of all kids and adults. If we are emotionally balanced by resolving emotions when difficult emotions are provoked in us—no matter how small, then we will not carry an emotional charge that will trigger someone else. When we uninstall our buttons, others will stop pushing them and vice versa. Can you imagine going through school, puberty and dating knowing the emotional self-care of EmRes? Our life choices would be far less distracting and confusing every step of the way! We can help our children with their emotional care and education. And in doing so we get to work on ourselves as well. Modeling emotional self-care is at the core of this work. Are you ready to provide emotional education and support in your child’s life—and to your own? Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash References 1. Boris Cyrulnik: Des Âmes et des Saisons About Sue Sue Siebens uses Emotional Resolution, EmRes, to work at a fundamental level, where the roots of the illness, fear, and pain can be accessed and resolved. Sue teaches and writes to raise awareness about this new technology so that as many people as possible can find relief and peace in their life. Sue is based in Dallas, Tx, USA.